“Love doesn’t happen overnight,love doesn’t argue about what’s wrong or what’s right and don’t expect to find a love that will last ,if the place you are searching is in the past,love is hard to find , it’s even harder to let it go , don’t settle for something because that’s what you know ” retrieved from poems by Erin M Carmichael (Minoza):Title ;”Don’t look Back .”
There’s no painful heartbreak like that of one, that was your soulmate. This is because apart from letting go of them, you will also have to let go of the spiritual attachment you had for this person. It feels like unending agony. The lamp on your throat, the chest pains, the lack of sleep, the unwinding of your stomach, the shock, the denial. The overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, for a while nothing will seem to matter but yet your obligation will remain constant and you have to show up even when you don’t feel like doing anything.
Your nights are filled with tears, your morning filled with grief for you are still mourning for you are at a loss yet he or she hasn’t died. Days feel like it is dragging but the pain is overwhelming, as you walk you cannot help but drag your feet for the weight on your shoulder is unbearable and you just keep sighing hoping it will be a little bit easy on you.
Everything seems to make you cry and the chance you get to laugh you try to laugh harder ,thinking it will deplete the pain but you just have to be steady even when your body is shaking because of tremors in your brain.
Then you start to doubt if he truly loved you or if you were delusional all along, was he or she playing a game on you but yet some of the gestures were so thoughtful but now you can never know.
You think like in the movies, you will be surrounded by numerous friends holding your hand. In the morning forcing you out of your bed but you come to realize, you’re by yourself. You alone can wipe your tears and force yourself to move. And the journey will be lonely unless you master the strength to look for help. And yet when you seek therapy, the schedule is against thee, you needed to be scheduled now, the Therapist proves to be unavailable, and all odds seem against you. When you are about to give up, you find sleep and though your heart is heavy you sleep hoping that in the morning, it was all but a dream.
You wake up in the morning the heaviness is still there, you feel like the pain is in the back of your mind unconsciously present but it lingers so close, you can feel it in your veins.
Normally when we go through heartbreak we resume working on ourselves, not that I find wrong with that but it shouldn’t distract you from the painbut help you deal with the pain. People will also nudge that this is an opportunity to work on ourselves but if we are honest with ourselves we will always work on ourselves, that is a lifetime obligation. Sometimes it is okay to admit that it is just painful.
When the rain stops pouring and the thunder keeps roaring and amid the storm, you start to see clearly, that all this period, you had fallen in love with the assumption of this person in your mind. You see clearly how it was all a lie, the game played was chess and the pawn was you all along, just going with his or her whims, it is only right now when the dust has settled that you get a glimpse of who he or she was and it is baffling how you saw green when it was all painted red. The hints were clear, only to realize what a fool you made yourself and the friends marvel because all along they knew his ways, just surprised by your blindness. Justifying his actions but all along he was moving around playing you like a pawn, giving you excuses that I need space. What is space? when you are busy masquerading as faithful only to realize this ungrateful being that has no shame of being unfaithful? What is space? I thought you took time to heal, busy moving around looking for someone to grind. What is space? I thought you were working, busy lying to every soul you meet. What is space? Does time matter to you or are you teaching yourself to master how to gaslight every loving soul? I rest my case may the universe be the judge of your action, no longer part of the game.