The first time I heard about the penis envy ,I was just curious what it meant and when curiosity got better of me ,a desire to know more became my persuit . Definitely in my mind , I wondered, how can I really fancy the way it is visible to see when men develop a bulge ,at this point my mind had run wild and I just laughed at my idiotic thought but is it really idiotic or it is what it is .

Sigmund Freud when doing psychological analysis regarding women psychosexual development, he came up with penis envy theory ,in which according to him young girls when growing up experience anxiety when they realize they do not have a penis. In his theory , he stated that , the penis envy stage begins when there is transition from an attachment to the mother to competition with the mother attention, recognition and affection of the father.While for boys, when they realize that women do not have a penis they experience castration anxiety.

I had a divergent view like the most feminist who were in total disagreement to this theory but yet again with time ,I actually felt that this theory had a symbolic truth to it . For instance ,in African context ,when boys turn it to men,they are given more freedom but when girls reach adulthood they are still treated as children are still deemed very vulnerable and more so because of the vertue that they are women.

Also if you consider many religious books, they deem women as surbodinate.They are the ones , who are meant to be submissive, they are not allowed to speak up in some religious affiliation, they are not allowed to make decisions and in some religious circle ,they deem menstrual cycle as something defiling .

The fact that women still struggle in some communities to have their voice heard ,is an evidence that penis envy exist .In barazas women are not allowed to attend and if they do ,their role is just to spectate.

Going by the fact that women will put their lifes on hold when they are pregnant for nine months,while men will go out there and continue their life ,like nothing changed is a more reason , to have penis envy .

When it comes to sexual pleasure, it is hard for some women to easily experience orgasm. In one of his lectures about his penis theory , Freud stated ” women become envious of penis at young age , when they realize boys derive more sexual pleasure from their penises than girls do from their own sexual organs “

For a very long time before contraceptive was introduced, women did not even have power over their sexual pleasure because the fear of getting pregnant and the possibility of putting their life on hold is a challenge.Also in many communities and religious affiliation women were to remain virgins till marriage and if you were found guilty of breaking your virginity before it is due time ,which is marriage ,they will shame you ,call you names and even disown you .I know we still have communities and religious group who still belive so.

The penis envy is also evident , when men have the freedom to have more sexual partners and be deemed by society and their clique as honourable, just because he has messed around with a couple of girls but when a woman gets involved with a number of guys even she takes precaution measures, to take care of herself , she will still be perceived as an whore not only by the opposite sex but also by the same gender . Mostly they will shame her by giving her deragotive names such as “mtaro ” in Swahili language , in which ,when you directly translate it means ” terrace ” or sometimes they will call her ” mteremuko” which means a slope in English .Just to be clear am not trying to justify immorality but am just stating the way things are ;but also the word immoral is relative depending on your perception of what is good or bad.

By now ,you might be probably convinced that I want to be a man , but no ,am not really into becoming a man but I would love to have the advantage that men have .

Charles Manga Fombad stated that ” a major cause of political and constitutional instability in post – Independence Africa was the ease with which political leaders subverted constitutionalism by arbitrarily changing constitution to suit their political agendas.”Going by this statement do you think Kenya is going through a constitutional coup ?

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It has been reported that about 30 president in sub- Saharan countries have staged constitutional coups but a few, have managed to go through and among the countries that has managed to dupe the people into constitutional coups are Uganda ,Sudan ,Burundi and Rwanda.When Military coups ceased to be popular among the people ,some leaders resorted to changing the constitution to meet their personal political agenda by increasing their terms in office through constitutional amendment.

Building Bridges initiative was a good agenda for uniting the country but a long the way it resulted to constitutional amendment which is yet to go through .The five bench judges came to a decision that the all process is flawed and some article in the constitution are not amendable .The fact that the initiative was initiated by the president but not the initiative of the people, made the intention of constitution amendments ,to sound questionable.

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President Yoweri Museveni of Uganda once said,he detested African leaders who want to overstay in power but he eventually became one of those leaders who he detested ,truly absolute power corrupts . President Yoweri Museveni has staged two constitutional coups ,first in 2005 and again in 2017 .He staged the first constitutional amendment to increase his term in office after his term elapsed ,then he staged another one to remove presidential age limit of 75 , obviously this move was a way to give him a chance to rule Uganda for life .In the recent election he won again but it was not without force and abuse of power .I wonder if Uganda will ever have another president as long as president Museveni lives.

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In Rwanda , President Paul Kagame is running is third term tenure and according to analyst ,the reason why they keep reelecting him was because the people are afraid of the reoccurrence of Hutu and Tutsi genocide.Like his counterpart Yoweri Museveni , president of Rwanda staged constitutional coup to increase his term in office to other more term and this could mean that ,he might be president until 2034 because he has two more terms , duration of five years.

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In 2015 ,Pierre Nkurunziza won an election in 2015 ,which was not without violence and it resulted to death of half a million Burudians and he had the opportunity to become the president for another third term and his quest for power drove him to amend the constitution in order for the president to serve for two seven year term contrary to the previous two five year term.Before the amendment, anyone who tried to oppose the president agenda was silenced , through death threats issued by youth wing of the ruling party ,also the opposition rallies was severally disrupted so that they may not have a chance to voice their opinion.

This constitutional coups seem to always have a certain distinct characteristic ,first you have a dictator in power ,then in both judiciary and Legislature he or she has people who are very loyal to him ,then he proposes an amendment bill that will be obviously supported by his loyal people and then they will stage a national referendum which will be used in order to give an impression that the people are in favour of constitutional amendment while some government will use force and threats to institution that try to oppose their will. The main purpose of this constitutional coups is to cement their power and presidential term with appearance of following the due process ,it is just a way of making their coups seem legal.

The case of Kenya Medical Supply Agency has taken so many twist and turns and it seems not to end very soon because in a country where corruption has taken root ,it very is easy for those in power to just get away with anything.If you did watch when Murathe ,the Jubilee vice chair being questioned about his association to Kiling Limited ,which was associated to KEMSA scandal for failing to secure finance for 50 000 PPE ;you could see that he was taking the all session as a joke ,he answered the questions casually and he even did his typically thing of blaming the current deputy president for his woes and justifying his claims by linking Kiling Limited clients to deputy president with no verifiable evidence but just verbal statement by him.He even stated that it was sad people think of him as a Covid-19 millionaire and everybody is calling him, for money but going by his big man nature ,it very hard for us to trust whatever he says because he has proven so many times to show total disregard to issues .Do you remember when he was on live on national tv station ,he appeared on live while was drunk and he even told his debating opponent that he should come and drink with him . That really showed his content of character ,so how can we even trust him to tell kenyans the truth.Recently we were celebrating free press day but if you look around we are yet to achieve that .In many countries around the world ,freedom of press is still an issue, especially in countries led by dictators or countries that practice communism or countries that uphold conservative ideals . In Russia , Navalny seemed to be always ,the subject of topic in both international news and locals news in Russia and this is because Navalny has a political activist and a vicious critic of president Vladimir Putin,he has courageously fought the government on issue such as corruption and despite the numerous turmoil he suffered ,he has never relented . Last year he was diagnosed with contact dermatitis and his doctor suggested that he might have been exposed to some toxic agent and many of his supporters were worried that,it might have been an attempt of political assisination through poisoning.He was then taken to Germany for treatment but after months of recovering ,he went back to Russia only to be arrested and his blogs to be banned from airing .The woes of Navalny did not start recently ,he has been arrested several times because of his street protest against corruption,at some point they also did detain his wife,Yulia and now he still in jail and he is convicted of fraud and this situation puts his life in more danger .We may not no what might have happen behind the scenes but it is clear that the government of President Putin is not pleased with Navalny activities and they are keen in suppressing him in every way they can.Rwanda is a country that is impeccable in maintaining hygiene,the cleanliness of their street is very refreshing and their busy market which is exceptionally clean is very admirable and this reflects well to their government but despite this their president Paul Kagame has been accused of killing his political enemies which shows it is not all rosy,being lead by a dictator ,it was obvious that ,there is no freedom of speech, therefore the press is still suppressed ;also Rwanda elections is very questionable , especially the aspect of free and fair election.In Israel ,it is sad that the jews are trying so hard to chase away the palestinian from to their homes and the irony is that this palestinian have been living there, for ages ,way before the jews knew that ,that land existed .I don’t know if it is their religious belief that is blinding them from seeing the injustice they want to commit against palestinians who are even probably the original owners of the land ,just because the scriptures made you the chosen nation ,it does not mean you have right to be racist towards palestinians ,have you people forgotten your history with Hitler and now the Jews are becoming Hitler .

I was reading a news paper just to pass time ,when I came across this story that really caught my eye ,the story was interesting but horrifying .A school principal named ,Jane Muthoni was convicted of conspiracy and committing murder and all this was a result of love gone sour,the school principal had suspected that her husband had a secret affair with another woman , surely love can make us go beserk but we can chose to just let go ,now Jane Muthoni is likely to be imprisoned for life ,which makes me wonder,is it worthy to lose your freedom and soul for love .

The recent cases of deaths is not a way to deal with relationship, people fall out of love , because we are humans and sometimes a number of factors might have contributed to falling out .It hurts to let go but it is way better than to kill for love.

Sometimes when we get into a relationship or marriage we think ,the person we have, will stick with us forever but that is not always the case .Some of us will actually get a number of ,” thee one and only ” ,which will be actually seasonal ,some will come and stir our curiosity,some will make us happy for a season and live us broken when the season ends because they no longer have the capacity to be there for us and it is okay.We may try our best to keep our seasonal lovers around but the connection already drifted a long time ago ,so it is just okay to let go .

There are lovers who will come to your life in good faith but along the way , they will turn and break your heart but weirdly they will make you stronger because that which does not kill you builds you but unfortunately in some cases ,when love turns to hate , people die .

The problem with our society ,we were made to think that, when you get someone who love you ,you will forever been in love ,we forget that people keep on changing and character in some cases is never constant and sometimes people a different in different situation , therefore your love for each other may dwindle because this factors .

Attraction also fades away with time, that is why even as much someone loves you ,he or she may fail to get attracted to you,so never stop growing for your own sake .In the end we can just agree , familiarity breeds contempt.

Not all marriages will stand the test of time ,so do not assume that just because you made a vow for better for worse that it will be easy .For when it comes to the worse ,it may strengthen your bond together but also it can end up causing a drift.

There are scenarios that you will have a lover that you will fight for and you might even have put your life on line for them but still they will live you broken , shuttered and disoriented and even when years pass by, the pain still remains and feels so fresh .You will feel a lump forming in your throat everytime you think of him or her ,the pain in your heart will either make you cry or numb but it is still okay to let go because time heal all wounds even if it take ages.

I admit the hurt will turn your love for him or her to hate because you feel pain and betrayal but also know that life will also give you a lot of heartbreaks and rejection but do not react to the situation, just deal with it .You can look for a punching bag and punch away your frustrations or go to hill and scream out your problems until you get a relief, listen to sad music and cry out but in whatever you do ,chose best way to let go ,you do not really have to kill to avenge your heart.

The recent judicial service commission persuit for the new Chief Justice is an eye opener ,that your past skeleton can be retrived and it can hinder your future persuit if you fail to have a concrete explanation of your action . Lately have been feeling like am creating more skeleton than memories ,which leads me to the question do we really know what is right and if we know what is right do we act right in all situation or do we work under the influence of conflicting values and identities that has been a subject of misconstrued influence.

Sometimes we do things that is out of natural self and mostly we describe our unprecedented action as out of character but we also forget that sometimes that our character is not constant especially if our values stands in a weak basis but who am I to judge that someone values has a weak foundation because there many scenarios where our own values is conflicting with that of others and sometimes more powerful forces leads us to do things we list expected ourselves to do .Also sometimes our own values can feel like cage and sometimes out of our own will ,we just decide to go against the rule of thumb because sometimes defiance can feel so liberating.

Am one person who is so compassionate to self but yet again I can judge myself so harshly ,may be because I expect too much from myself which can be beneficial for pushing myself but also detriment that can keep me reanalyzing my action and it always places me between a hard rock and hard place therefore I sometimes I need a second opinion to have a clear perspective . That’s why recently, when I felt lost I had to ask my friend if am losing who I am because I felt like I was acting different from who I am or should I say I was acting contrary to what other people perceive me . Surely I expected her to tell me that am going against my norm but she only said that all the person that I was in all those situation is just me and it ain’t wrong to be you for we are not perfect ,we are at fault and sometimes, we may be right even when we are wrong and wrong when we are right depending on the situation.I know it is a paradox but anyway life itself is a puzzle that we keep on answering when we only moved forward .

Before I come to my conclusion no one get me like paul in the bible ,Romans 7: 14 -23 clearly explains my conflict ; we know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual ,sold as a slave to sin.I do not understand what I do .For what I want to do,I do not do ,but what I hate I do.And if I do what I do not want to do ,I agree that the law is good… verse 21 ,so I find the law at work: although I want to do good,evil is right there with me for my inner being delight in God’s law but I see another law at work within me , waging the war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work in me .

In conclusion ,there days we will feel we are not enough but you may be surprised that you are just enough for that moment.We may not have a clean slate even as much as we minimize our mistakes but every failure can be a good opportunity for learning .We are not always prepared for what will unfold but always be ready to take the task because we can never be completely prepared, just dive in ,we will be prepared along the way . Finally we feel lost only to find ourselves,so embrace yourself in all forms you will just eventually get your true self and you will build your character even if it is through simple baby steps.

There was this part of an article that I read in a newspaper,that I reposted and many individuals started judging me as a gold digger but they just misunderstood me because they don’t understand my context or my own perception.The article stated “Even in the bird kingdom ,the male one , that constructs the best nest always attracts the best mate .It seems a nest to a bird is what money is to humans.If animals understand this basic reality ,who are we not to ? And this is not an admonition to women ;it is a wake up call to men to rise to the occasion and remember the basic trait of every male species , providence .”

According to my understanding ,I find the above statement as a reminder to men their role because it seems like most of the men in millennial have forgotten their duty .It is sad that it has become acceptable for men to just become women eaters .

The recent case of Homeboyz radio station, as most of you are aware of ,is just a practical example of why we need to remind some men their role and influence in the society , clearly some have forgotten what respect is , that’s why those radio presenters were propergating misogyny by taking lightly ,an incident where a woman named Eunice Wangari was brutally injured by her date,she did escape death by a whisker , the guy she went for a date with is known as Moses Gatuma Njoroge , according to reports they had their date in the office of the guy and they had food and drinks and after, the woman wanted to go home ;but the guy had a different agenda .As the guy was trying to force his way to her , without considering her consent , he ended up throwing her off the 12th floor but luckily the woman survived and fell off ,on the 9th floor but she did suffer severe injuries . Surprisingly some men took this incident as a fodder for jokes .The three presenters ,were clearly insensitive ,when they decided to go on air and make jokes about this incident.

Some men have been made to think that when a woman says no she means yes ,such kind of thinking is misleading and in the end it destroys you and your target .Even traditionally rape was unacceptable behavior and anyone who was found to do that, was either murdered or was chased away from the community.

When the presenters were punished for their lack of wisdom ,some men came out and stated that ,it was feminist work but clearly it is not matter of gender competition ,it is matter of morality and ethics .If they did go unpunished ,the society will think it is just okay to make fun about gender based violence.Therefore, them being punished will remind people out there that it doesn’t hurt to be sensitive , because if you dare to be careless with your speech you stand a chance of losing a lot .

Going back to my previous perception ,the male who constructs the best nest , attracts the best mate.If you look critically at this statement you will see the truth in it but it is very unfortunate that we have very few men who construct the best nest because young guys today have lost themselves into living trivial life and the women out there are busy building empires and having the spirit of their fathers . Clearly women empowerment has built women but the boy child have been forgotten . Right now we have incredible women but this women lack men that would suit them , because the number of men creating the best nest are so few .

Recently I was discussing with a friend ,about her relationship and she brought to my attention that men of today don’t make efforts , they just want to reap the fruits of good relationship without even trying to cultivate the relationship.I don’t know how true is this ,but what I know is that for any relationship to work out both partners must make effort.According to me her frustration was the fact that ,there is this kind of men who do not want to work hard but they wait for their women to provide everything for them ,the so called “women eaters “.Men were naturally created to be providers and they should portray a sense manhood by guarding jealously their role or they stand to lose their respect . Having men who have no respect even to their ego that they feel comfortable being lazy and waiting to be provided for are bringing shame not only to their existence but also to their forefathers.

Gender based violence is unacceptable to any gender and so ,those men who think it is okay to whip , molest or defile a woman just because you bought her a drink or food is despicable of them, because it is under your own volition that you decided to buy her a drink ,it is not always ,that obvious, that you bought me a drink so that we can get intimate, because I can take a drink or food that you bought but it does not mean am in consent with your motives . There is also that possibility that someone may buy you something without trying to tie a string on you and therefore the aspect of being oblivious should be put into consideration because obviously we are not mind readers .

As much as I have critique the behavior of some men ,I also know there are great men out there who not only honor themselves but they also have respect for women but my agenda was to remind the guys who have lost themselves , that they should come back to salvation and they should take their rightful position as men of honour and the older men to set good examples to the young men and they should stop taking the wives of their son ,if you know what I mean 😉.

When I was growing up ,I used to watch wedding show and like all the girls I had this fascination of my wedding day and if I recall ,I remember I told one of my cousins when I grow up ,I will get married to a white guy ,I don’t know ,what was my fascination with white guys but I think it is because then ,we had perception that being married to a white guy was a great achievement compared to being married to a black guy ,I guess inferiority complex had reached to our heads due to adverse effect of colonialism that made us think that even our own kind are undeserving to be our husband .

As I grew up and simultaneously with the growth of hip pop culture and Rnb, that depicted black guys as cool ,my desire to be married to a white guy slowly faded away and a new desire to be married to a cool black guy did set in and it became my new fascination.

The more I grew the more my beliefs on relationship changed.The world has made us to believe that we can only find love through another person but with experience and observation ,I have come to learn that our perception of love must not only be aligned to being loved by somebody else or by the opposite gender or the same gender but we can find fulfilling love deep inside us and even fall in love with our passion and that doesn’t make you a lesser person than the others who love somebody .

There is this believe that if you’re a woman or a man and you decide not to get married that something is wrong with you or they perceive that you are promiscuous that’s why you do not want to tie the knot but one thing people don’t realize is that even if someone is married and had a certain trait ,a ring on her or his finger would never stop them from continuing the old habits ,it only makes them discrete about it . Coming to my point of view , it is okey for someone to choose not to marry ,marriage shouldn’t be forced and judging those who have not gotten married ,should be a forgotten history because what’s the point of getting engaged to someone only to be unhappy but those who find love with others ; don’t get me wrong am not against marriage ,it is well okey to marry and be happy .

When you get into a relationship ,it is not unheard of ,to hear people stating that I want to be with you forever but they don’t realize that life can change any minute and what I was yesterday may not be what I am today because according to me I’m evolving and the opinion I had yester years may not be my opinion now ,as well as relationship, it may either evolve or die a natural death and people come and go ,so I am of the opinion that ; I don’t want to be promised forever ,just love me now and treat me right ,the future will reveal its nature .

Going back to the story , finally that I have grown, the desire for marriage has totally faded and the kind of man I want had changed to anyone who treats me right and anyone who is attractive to my eyes according to my own standard and have also learnt that you don’t need another person to be truly happy ,you need to first love yourself and when the other person comes, you share your happiness together ,not that I really care that much about getting married ,for me if I get my Mr right and get married it is well and good but if I don’t get one or I chose not to get married it is also well and good .

Sometimes our picture of love shouldn’t be necessarily with some guy or gal but the truth sometimes we can find true love within ourselves and may be the love of your life is you or maybe you have a friend and you don’t have that sexual kind of relationship but you love each other and may be he or she is the love of your life ,even if sexual intimacy is not involved or you have a passion that fulfills you , probably that may be the love of your life .In short ,be open to any form of love you may be waiting for that prince charming or snow white but may be that love you are searching is right in front of you ,it is just that you lack the lense to see ,so am trying to make it easier for you .

There was a day I was walking in town , then a woman stopped me ,I did recognize her as one of the church elders, she scrutinized me and then she told me that I am conforming to the standard of the world because of my nose piercing and that I will fail to enter the kingdom of God.She already made a conclusion about me by the way she was looking at me with disdain then finally she told me that she loves me ,that’s why she had to tell me , really! how sic* is that , she just expected me to see the love of God with all the patronizing look all over her face , it is sad that they misrepresent God because I did not feel love , I just dismissed her as judgmental religious fanatic because if she really knew me she would know that I value my spiritual life .Then there was this other day we were in office, we were discussing politics and then out the blues some guy uttered a very cynical statement ,he stated that women should not be given leadership position because according to his understanding of the good book, women are just meant to be helpers . That statement made me wonder which planet is he living in ,because this century we don’t expect people to still have such a backward thinkingReligion can be so blinding , because if you listen to religious fanatic you cannot help but either laugh at their statement or feel pity on them.The atrocities people commit in the name of religion is baffling . There are people who kill in the name of God ,others molest wife and children in the name of God and use religion as an excuse .Logic stands no chance in a society that is held bent to their religious ideologies . Religious fanaticism started way back , when Emperor Constantine I, came to power and introduced Christianity as the main religion in Rome and he repressed all non christians and all christians who did not line up with official Othordox ideology, policy or practice ,he basically used religion to suppress the people.In the middle ages with the emergence of crusades sanctioned by pope to reclaim the Holy Land from the Muslims , they ended up killing Muslims ,Jews and native Christians indiscriminately when crusaders captured Jerusalem 1099.Islam extremist dates back to 7th century to the Kharijites , from their political position they developed extreme doctrines that set them apart from mainstream Sunni and Shi’a Muslims.The Kharijites adopted a radical approach to Takfir, whereby they declared other Muslims to be unbelievers and therefore deemed worthy of death .Jihad is just a sequel of Kharijites ideology , Jihadists movement did seek to overthrow secular government which was it main purpose but in 1998 Osama bin Laden radicalized jihad and it gained popularity internationally but his concept is totally different from what it previously meant .Jihad means working urgently for a godly objective.People also commit suicide in the name of religion, absurd as it is there very many documented history of people commiting heinous acts in the name of religion . In India 1303 or 1568 there was a case of mass suicide ,also known as Jauhar, was carried out by women and men of the defeated community,when their fallen city was taken captive by Muslim invaders.Also during great schism of the Russian Church ,a village of old believers burned themselves to death in an act of “fire baptism.“The above are some of the few cases of religious craziness ,if I may say so . Religion can be intoxicating that’s why we need soberiety to curb skewed religious ideologies . So have ever encountered religious fanaticism? if so share your story in the comment section.

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Amanda is a young lady who by nature she is fighter and she never let anything deter her,she has a dream of her own and she considers herself liberal by nature .She is jolly but lately she feels like she is losing herself and slowly she feels she is drifting to survival mode instead of living .Her woes started when she was working for this organization that was too conservative to accommodate her personality and because she is not a quiter she kept on delivering hoping things will get better.As the days go by she is growing tired and less rejuvenated about work .She wakes up every morning dragging herself from her bed and before she goes to work she tries to affirm herself and she cannot help but cry, for she feels stuck and she takes a deep breath and wipes the tears running down her cheeks and she smiles and though she feels overwhelmed she will walk into that office and held a head up and pretend all is well .

Every day she has to contend with people who are always on her nerves , because apparently in that organization people find it so hard to mind their business ,they are always nosing around looking for a fodder for gossip .She is uniquely different by her standards ,so some cannot help but take an interest .She doesn’t really care about their opinion about her but she finds it offensive when they rub it on her face and with time it becomes an agitation .The conspiracy theories that people were creating about her is baffling and laughable because it so far fetched from what she really is .

Just like Amanda many individuals are struggling to stay afloat in work station that are overwhelmingly toxic environment .Most people would rarely talk about how they feel about their environment for fear of being deemed insubordinate but mostly likely they are afraid of being fired especially when that job is their main source of income.

Toxic environment can affect you so deeply because they have been cases of people developing symptoms of chronic depression and their psychological instability is linked to their job environment.Due to the pressure and trauma some develop anxiety disorder so they drink before coming to job to ease the tension.

Having a cruel boss who keeps on nagging you or using statements that are inappropriate or a boss who bullies you just because he has a big man mentality can be so daunting.Other scenarios are where by you have people in your organization that are bullies and they keep on invading your space .There are those who touch you inappropriately and they usually send you sexual advances .Then their is this organization that overload you with work but they give you dismal pay .

Prioritizing your mental state is important that’s why choosing an organization or going after your passion is important because during difficult times it will be your motivation and organization that priorities the well being of their employees is way preferable than a big company that treats their people like trash .Pleasing someone never gets you anywhere , you just have to learn to be assertive,you cannot do a job which is a duty of another , first prioritize on your role and remember no human gets easily satisfied and the more you please the more they become entitled to use you .

I don’t know how it went with Amanda ,was she able to salvage herself or did she drown ?that I don’t know but one thing for sure it is clear that toxic environment can cause a great damage not only to someones emotional wellbeing but also psychological state .What we all need is a feeling of relief so that we can breath ,then work efficiently.